Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER:

To get to the other side.

PLATO:

For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE:

It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX:

It was a historical inevitability.

TIMOTHY LEARY:

Because that's the only trip the Establishment would let it take.

SADDAM HUSSEIN:

This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

JACK NICHOLSON:

'cause it f.....g wanted to. That's the f.....g reason.

RONALD REAGAN:

I forget.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

HIPPOCRATES:

Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

ARTHUR ANDERSEN CONSULTANT:

Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN:

The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

MOSES:

And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

JOHNNY ROTTEN:

Because he was safety-pinned to the punk rocker.

FOX MULDER:

You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

RICHARD M. NIXON:

The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

NICCOLO MACHIAVELLI :

The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

JERRY SEINFELD:

Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?

SIGMUND FREUD:

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

THOMAS DE TORQUEMADA:

Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE:

Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

OLIVER NORTH:

National Security was at stake.

CARL JUNG:

The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

BILL GATES:

I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

OLIVER STONE:

The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

CHARLES DARWIN:

Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:

Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

BUDDHA:

Asking this question denies your own chicken-nature.

SALVADOR DALI:

The Fish.

EMILY DICKINSON:

Because it could not stop for death.

DAVID HUME:

Out of custom and habit.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON:

The chicken did not cross the road ... it transcended it.

HENRY DAVID THOREAU:

To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

MARK TWAIN:

The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:

To die. In the rain.

COLONEL SANDERS:

I missed one?

[End of document, updated to 16 June 1998]

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