Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
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KINDERGARTEN TEACHER:
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To get to the other side.
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PLATO:
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ARISTOTLE:
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It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
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KARL MARX:
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It was a historical inevitability.
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TIMOTHY LEARY:
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Because that's the only trip the Establishment
would let it take.
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SADDAM HUSSEIN:
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This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and
we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
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JACK NICHOLSON:
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'cause it f.....g wanted to. That's the f.....g
reason.
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RONALD REAGAN:
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CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
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To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
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HIPPOCRATES:
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Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
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ARTHUR ANDERSEN CONSULTANT:
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Deregulation of the chicken's side of the
road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced
with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required
for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering
relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical
distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration
Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies,
knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes
and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management
framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road
analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills
in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings
in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit,
and to enable them to synergize with an enterprise-wide value framework
across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was
held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment
which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent,
clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission,
vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total
business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change
to become more successful.
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LOUIS FARRAKHAN:
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The road, you see, represents the black man.
The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him
down.
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MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
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I envision a world where all chickens will
be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
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MOSES:
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And God came down from the Heavens, and He
said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed
the road, and there was much rejoicing.
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JOHNNY ROTTEN:
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Because he was safety-pinned to the punk rocker.
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FOX MULDER:
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You saw it cross the road with your own eyes.
How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
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RICHARD M. NIXON:
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The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat,
the chicken did NOT cross the road.
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NICCOLO MACHIAVELLI :
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The point is that the chicken crossed the
road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive
there was.
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So that its subjects will view it with admiration,
as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road,
but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with
such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's
dominion maintained.
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JERRY SEINFELD:
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Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why
doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing
walking around all over the place, anyway?
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SIGMUND FREUD:
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The fact that you are at all concerned that
the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
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THOMAS DE TORQUEMADA:
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Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll
find out.
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FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE:
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Because if you gaze too long across the Road,
the Road gazes also across you.
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OLIVER NORTH:
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National Security was at stake.
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CARL JUNG:
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The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt
necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture,
and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
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BILL GATES:
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I have just released the new Chicken Office
2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
documents, and balance your checkbook.
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OLIVER STONE:
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The question is not, "Why did the chicken
cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same
time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
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CHARLES DARWIN:
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Chickens, over great periods of time, have
been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed
to cross roads.
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It was the logical next step after coming
down from the trees.
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ALBERT EINSTEIN:
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Whether the chicken crossed the road or the
road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
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BUDDHA:
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Asking this question denies your own chicken-nature.
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SALVADOR DALI:
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EMILY DICKINSON:
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Because it could not stop for death.
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DAVID HUME:
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RALPH WALDO EMERSON:
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The chicken did not cross the road ... it
transcended it.
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HENRY DAVID THOREAU:
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To live deliberately ... and suck all the
marrow out of life.
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MARK TWAIN:
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The news of its crossing has been greatly
exaggerated.
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ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
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ZENO:
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It started crossing the road. It's still trying.
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COLONEL SANDERS:
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"Why did the chicken commit suicide? To get
to the other side."
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Why did the turkey cross the road? Because
it was the chicken’s day off!
[End of document, updated to 19 July 2013
(amended)]