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Floreat
Salopia
Some terms varied a little amongst
Houses, as did the details of the doul call. No doubt some terms have been
overlooked - there were almost certainly a few connected with boats, for
example. Naturally, colloquial Salopian included many other more widely-used
slang terms in its distinctively idiosyncratic vocabulary.
Feedback: many thanks to Tony Walters (Dayboys' 1958-1963) and to Ted Brunning (Moser's, current 2005) for very helpful suggestions.
Stop Press: update to Ted Brunning's 2005 [here]
On my first day, the Head Man regaled the new scums in the Alleybin to the effect that although many of us had been exalted as monitors, prefects and so forth at our previous schools we were now all beginning at the bottom. An amusing welcome, as to me such turncoats had been The Enemy. In later years, still an Outcast of the System, i found myself doing the scum's jobs when some quirk of time left me as the most senior resident in the study. Why, to this day...
In my first year i was a private scum to someone here merely referred to as H in order to protect the guilty. My duties - bringing him a morning cup of tea-style drink, polishing his shoes and corps fugs, effecting some long-forgotten procedure with his collars, miscellaneous errands etc - were performed so badly that i jocularly offered to waive the customary emolument of an end-of-year meal at the Tuck Shop. H took this at face value; i expect he went on to a very successful career in the Paperclips Directorate of the Civil Service.
Rose-tinted gig lamps will be donned whilst omitting mention of cold swills, pre-breakfast periods, thin but gristly porage, Rugger and much else. The book of Rules and Privileges made quaint reading. Then as now, the notion that things were the best they would ever become was starkly preposterous.
On one surreal occasion after some tedious inter-House sporting event which i had managed to avoid, i was subjected point-blank to the usual protracted and deafening strafe of no discernible rational or inspirational content to the effect that new scums must ... House spirit ... etc etc. Finding voice, i gave as good as i got and, borne up on a wave of applause, realised how Adolf had managed to turn things his way.
Sunday afternoons were the least regulated time and it was possible to potter about somewhat. Fellows fixed their bintzies (using parts from the cornucopia of other fellows' bintzies), recorded 'Pick of the Pops' very badly, trespassed, smoked, drank, became unfit and sometimes wrote begging letters home. It was during this quasi-idyllic time that i developed such culinary gems as Worcestershire Sauce Sandwiches (using as many as two ingredients) and - the speciality - Welsh Fake Rarebit (industrial margarine squashed onto bread and immolated in the Baby Belling until the hogsfat and hydrogen began to explode under the electric element).
When not writing blue penals, running punitive Benjys' etc i managed to notch up something of a record at being thrashed in-House, being postored and encountering the Head Man. This lifestyle eventually became so tiresome that i was sacked - conveniently during the 'A Level' examinations - and was ceremonially struck off some register. There was a special windowless isolation bedroom in the House for those awaiting the sack; from the ceiling hung a robust noose.
All in all, a fitting prelude to a high-flying life. The best of our number can now be found dead, writing in satirical magazines, upsetting television viewers, disk-jockeying and lying drugged on bookcases throughout and off the world.
"Last seen setting out across the Gobi Desert on a motor bike..."