The Cast

This has just been jotted down from ancient memories - more details will be added.

Mme. Beaking

Prof. Beaking's much-loved wife, a gifted biochemist who died in the 16th Century. He was heartbroken: 'no amount of rejoining crystallisation can ever return my sun.'

Prof. Beaking

The sixth Professor and present incumbent of Okhist House, of great age, bald and bearded with bulbous spectacles.

Beetle Soapflux

Head of Mnton Stores.

Bem Gones

Shifty and nefarious landlord, husband of Ulla Gones.

Bert Von Guggenheim

Has the misfortune to dissolve in acid at Okhist House.

Big X

Large, black-clad, heavily-disguised, evil-smelling arch-villain bulging with bombs, guns, knives, rocket launchers etc.

Bill Jaevons

Solitary deep-space traveller.

Bips

Young man, works at Mnton Stores.

Mr Blockfish Tarrant

Ill-fated concert pianist.

Prof. Boneray

The evil Professor, now falling eternally in Aahboner Chasm.

Bracket

Overworked and underpaid gardener and odd-job man, usually nowadays to be found three sheets to the wind in the potting shed.

The Concubine

Has the misfortune to dissolve in acid at Okhist House.

Mr Cura

Extreme star harpsichordist, clergyman and husband of Totti Tutta. Immaculate with a moustache and a huge fixed grin.

Dadda XV

Boss II of Mnton, husband of Squeeko and father of H.L.A; amiable bespectacled old pipe-smoking drunken fool.

Mr Darcy

Violinist friend of Mr Cura.

Mrs Dawson

Big X's bad-tempered mistress.

Prof. Daystar

Ancestor of Prof. Beaking.

Edward James Lyle

Rescued from acid at Okhist House.

Ersin Beetleston

Second-in-charge at Mnton Stores.

The Fat Lady

Lady Dame Duchess Cynthia Agatha Gertrude Shufflebottom, apotheosis of outraged self-importance.

Ferguson

Prof. Beaking's faithful butler.

Frenchie

Small lovable Frenchman with a large bazooka. Under the baleful influence of Big X.

Fuzz

Siamese kitten, brother of Mezz, son of Punjab and Punjabet.

Goggo

Prof. Beaking's robot.

Herr Vonss Grossnitch

Curious weak clergyman with protruding upper lip and sparse flying hair; a splendid organist. Drives a peculiar old black car 'Despondia'.

H.L.A.

Boss I of Mnton, son of Dadda XV and Squeeko.

Dr Hartley Hollowbone

Met Sebastian Kiridor in the eponymous story.

Heinrich Denkmann

Hearty and intelligent Teutonic scientist.

Hiram Holmes

Small, nervous American. Holmes' home's Holmeshurst.

Hollam Sqeekalonss

Works at Mnton Stores.

Prof. Jacob Timebam

Ancestor of Prof. Beaking.

James

The Fat Lady's long-suffering chauffeur.

Jean Sainjoux

Astronomer who predicted the Uranian near-miss.

Jock McReady

Sports-car enthusiast.

Jode McArkwright

(to be completed)

Masterskull

The actualisation of evil: to humans, appears as a huge skull sitting on an altar between two black candles. Look into his eyes and you look into a black hole. Forever.

Mezz

Siamese kitten, sister of Fuzz, daughter of Punjab and Punjabet.

Mortifer

Long-dead funeral director with a problem.

Prof. Myston

Ancestor of Prof. Beaking.

Punjab

H.L.A.'s Siamese cat, husband of Punjabet and father of Fuzz and Mezz.

Punjabet

Punjab's Siamese wife, mother of Fuzz and Mezz.

Earl Quayling

Incumbent of Stelrade Castle.

Quinkie Marcells

Film star.

Sebastian Kiridor

Met Dr Hartley Hollowbone in the eponymous story.

Shrine

Prof. Beaking's semi-human slave. Bloated and snail-like, banished to the kitchen. Subsists on potato peelings etc and must be kept wet.

Simon Agerode

Thin aesthetic character with a problem.

Mr Slubb

Enormously gluttonous and slothful counterpoint to The Fat Lady.

Mr Spramlubb

A keen camper. Friend of Mr Slubb.

The Square Technicube

Fanatical film-maker, 'star' and self-publicist.

Squeeko

Wife of Dadda XV and mother of H.L.A.

The Stationmaster

Mercenary but useful functionary.

Totti Tutta

Mr Cura's draconian wife, who knits furiously during his performances and strikes him in the teeth with her needles if she thinks that a mistake has occurred.

Trundle

H.L.A.'s tortoise.

Ulla Gones

Apprehensive wife of Bem Gones.

Mr Venskilde

An affable Dane.

Misc. beetles, bypooses, headbones, kutta-bubbas, meduses, secret agents, spiders etc.

[End of document of 27 July 1998, updated]